Finishing my climb up one of Central America's largest active volcanoes, I sensed something was off. I was lost in surrender to the golden sunset piercing over the horizon as magma erupted a few hundred meters from me. But, even more so, I was lost in that stormy feeling lingering in the dark corners of my mind, and why not knowing what it was bothered me so much.
My business, Rooted Insight, affords me the ability to work anywhere. This had led me on many awesome adventures, from hiking active volcanos, surfing down their rocky dunes, cultivating mushrooms, becoming a yoga instructor, sleeping on a bench in Japan, to meeting a wizard.
As I reflected, I realized something had been storming inside me for many months. It had been there throughout all of those adventures. And every time I noticed it, it seemed immanently important to understand it. But then another adventure would start and I would forget about it until the next time it emerged.
This time was different though. It took about 10 hours to reach the volcano's first summit. During that time, I caught up on a few audiobooks.
The Alchemist is one of my favorite books of all time. It feels like one of those stories that has managed to distill the great mystery into words.
As I neared the end of my hike, I started re-listening to the audiobook. I'm not sure what causes me to start reading the book, but I end up re-reading it a few times each year. Perhaps because it's a super short story, and takes about an hour and a half to listen to (on 2.5x speed).
There's a scene in the Alchemist where the main character, Santiago, is faced with the choice of turning into the wind, or death. He's fearful of this challenge, and he feels a bit lost. And, with no logical way to turn into the wind, he seeks out the guidance of his most trusted advisor. He asks his heart for help.
After reading that, I thought for a moment.
I'm feeling a bit afraid right now. I'm feeling a bit lost. What if I asked MY heart for help? What would it tell me?
And so I did.
And soon enough, I was folded up into lotus pose in preparation for meditation. I placed my hand over my heart and I asked it for guidance.
Okay heart, what do you want to tell me?
At first, all I could hear was everything. I sat there, listening attentively.
Out came every recent thought I hadn't taken the time to properly think. As if I had been throwing thought-sized logs onto a mind-sized fire.
The mind-flames were roaring, it was almost too intense to sit.
But in that time, I stopped throwing new logs on. My mind began to settle, and whispers began to emerge.
And, for what felt like the first time, I realized that the whispers had always been there, underneath the fire. I knew what they had been saying all along, but the flames were so pretty that I got a little bit distracted.
And then, the last of the logs burned down, and the pleasant heat of a well-burned mind remained.
The whispers were the voice of my heart. This, I knew.
And, my heart whispered a meaning, and that meaning pulsed throughout my entire body.
Go back to the Lighthouse.
Thank you heart, message received.
Good to Know
Many months ago, I had stumbled upon an abandoned building with a buddy of mine. It felt like the perfect space to open a wellness center, a long time dream of mine. We had the lease ready to sign, but were also both answering to relationships, travel, school and money. We didn't sign the lease, and planned to come back when the time felt right.
Life went on, and it moved to the back of my brain. But, my heart had never left that idea.
And so I found myself—making my way towards Antarctica (another long-time dream)—wondering why I felt weird.
And now I know.
I had given my heart a glimpse of glorious light, and then shut the door before ever tasting it. My heart was hungry, and the pangs were ringing throughout my body.
It seems like that would be the end, but it wasn't.
My heart also wanted to go to Antarctica, or at least I thought it did. It was a dream of mine after all. I was already on my way, the Lighthouse could wait a few more months, right?
One voice was telling me clearly:
No.
And another voice was saying:
It's only a few more months, why not do both?
My body was at war with itself as I struggled to decide. I wrestled with the logic of it all, second guessed myself, changed my mind a few times, and felt like shit while doing it.
In the end, it was a whisper that told me to return to the Lighthouse. I booked my flight that same day, and all felt aligned again in the universe.
There are many voices telling us how to walk our path. Many of those voices are loud and demanding.
Listen for the voice that speaks softly. It is a voice that knows, you know it knows, but you don't always listen. That's the voice I heard that day, and candidly I had been hearing it all along. That day, I simply decided to trust what it had to say.
What comes next is a story for another time, but what a grand adventure it has been ever since.